The Luckiest
by elphaba
Summary: Just a short, sappy, shounen-ai songfic. Pairing? Read and find out. ^_^


I don't own Gundam Wing. Duh. You must be smoking some pretty good crack if you think I do. I don't own this Ben Folds song, either. In fact, I barely own anything. So don't sue, okee?  
  
The Luckiest  
  
I don't get many things right the first time  
  
In fact, I am told that a lot  
  
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls  
  
Brought me here  
  
I called Wufei the other day and told him what happened. He told me that I was wrong, that I should go find you and apologize. I'm beginning to think that he's right. I don't blame you for being mad at me. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if you hated me. But if I wouldn't have made all the mistakes I did all those years ago, we wouldn't be together now, right? My life, and yours, would be so completely different, and I can't bear to think of how horrible my life would be without you in it.  
  
When you left, I just couldn't believe it. I told myself that you'd be back later that night, that you were just blowing off steam, and that you'd come back. It was just a stupid argument. Wasn't it? But when you weren't back by dark, I started to worry that something had happened to you. But you always could take care of yourself. You told me that often enough.  
  
Everyone thought that you were practically helpless, that you needed to be taken care of constantly, myself included. We argued about that a lot, didn't we? I couldn't help it though. I just wanted to take care of you, protect you. That was job, to be your protector. But you couldn't stand that, and every time I tried so shelter you from some horrible thing, you'd be upset with me. Never like this time though.  
  
I think now that maybe you're the one who needed protection the least. But I always worried about you, back when we were all working for the Preventers. Every time we got a new assignment, I begged Une to put me on the same mission as you, just so I could keep an eye on you. At first, she wouldn't do it, knowing about my feelings for you, thinking that it would get in the way of our mission and complicate everything. I told her to give me a chance to prove her wrong, to prove that I could put personal feelings aside and work with you to get the job done. She gave me that chance, and she saw how well we worked together. Une gave us the same assignment almost every time after that.  
  
Of course, not once did I put aside my feelings for you. I just couldn't do it. I meant to, but I couldn't. So I masked them. I masked my feelings so well, that neither you nor Une realized how strongly I felt. In fact, she congratulated me more than once, amazed at how focused I was on the task at hand. Except for that one mission.that time I kissed you in the dark. That was the beginning of our relationship, and I don't regret one minute of it. You were so surprised that I kissed you, you couldn't have seen it coming. In the pitch blackness, I leaned over and kissed you. What surprised me was that you responded.  
  
But you didn't know that I had told Une how I felt. You didn't know that the reason we always worked together was because I had practically gotten down on my knees and begged. When I told you that, you were upset, but not mad enough to run out on me. It wasn't until I told you that I wanted your assignments so I could protect you that you exploded.  
  
In all the years since that mission, all the years that we've been together, I've rarely heard you raise your voice. Sure, we argued sometimes, couples do that, I guess. But our fights never lasted this long, and one of us always ran to the other an hour later and apologized. Then we'd hug, and we'd kiss, and be fine again. But not this time. Why is this time any different? I told you the truth, isn't that what you wanted? You asked me, and I told you.  
  
Then you asked if I was still trying to protect you, sheltering you from all the horrible things in the world. You know me, I never lie. And I didn't lie this time.  
  
My face is still bruised from where you hit me. I never thought it would happen, but you were so mad. I guess I deserved it though. You screamed at me that you were old enough now that you could take of yourself, that you didn't need me looking after you like that.  
  
And where was I before the day  
  
That I first saw your lovely face?  
  
Now I see it everyday  
  
And I know  
  
That I am, I am, I am  
  
The luckiest  
  
I was thinking this afternoon.what my life would be like if we'd never met, or if I'd never asked Une for the same assignments. We were so young when we met, but I was so jaded already, and you were so innocent. When I look at you, I still see that sweet fifteen year old boy. You'd probably hit me again if I told you that.  
  
Would I be with someone else? Heero maybe? I like Heero, he's my friend, but I could never see myself in a relationship with him. It'd be like talking to a wall all the time. Would we be living in a cramped apartment with no air conditioning, stumbling over each other every time we turned around. Sure, he's good-looking, and maybe when I was younger I might have had impure thoughts about him, but it was you that caught my eye. Of course, every time I saw you and Trowa together, I was so sure that there was something between you. It broke my heart to see the two of you together all the time. I know now that the two of you were just close friends. You're still close. Is that where you ran to? To ask Trowa for advice? I should find you and apologize.  
  
The house seems so empty without you in it. Everywhere I turn I see something that reminds me of you. The funny thing is that you've only been gone for two days. I'm moping around the house like you've been gone for months, or even a year. I'm so used to having you around, so used to you being next to me when I wake up.it's weird to open my eyes in the morning and turn my head to look at your sleeping face, and then find that it's not there.  
  
How did I get so lucky to have you as a part of my life? I'm scared that I've driven you off for good.I had the best intentions in the beginning, and I still do. I'm the luckiest man on earth and in all the colonies to have had you as just my friend.  
  
  
  
What if I'd been born fifty years before you  
  
In a house on a street where you lived?  
  
Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike  
  
Would I know?  
  
Did I know way back then, the day we met, that things would be like this? We've had so much together, along with some shitty times. Listen to me, talking like everything between us is over. I can't think like that, or I might give up on us. And believe me, that's the last thing I want. But I feel like I'm starting to talk myself into giving up. I know you don't like being protected, but can't you just take it for what it is, and be happy that someone cares about you enough to look out for you like that? You're not innocent. I know that. You can take care of yourself. I know that too. But.even from the beginning, all I wanted to do was keep you from harm. And I succeeded more than once. That time before we met face to face, I saved your life. You didn't seem to mind then.why should our years with the Preventers be any different? Or even now?  
  
Maybe it's because I try my damnedest not to give you a chance to protect me, and that's what bothers you. Do you feel like you owe me something for all the times I've helped you out of a sticky situation? You shouldn't.  
  
And in a wide sea of eyes  
  
I see one pair that I recognize  
  
And I know  
  
That I am, I am, I am  
  
The luckiest  
  
I wish you'd come back. I'm not sure where to look for you. If you were in a crowd of a million, a billion people, I'd see you right away. Your face, your eyes, your smile.they're all ingrained in my mind. But you're not standing in the middle of a bunch of people, you're hiding from me somewhere. Did I hurt you that badly, when all I wanted to do was good? Did I smother you? I didn't mean to. I just.I wanted to show you how much I care about you, how much I love you. I can't imagine my life without you.  
  
Do you want me to admit that I was wrong? I was wrong.  
  
Do you want me to apologize? I'm sorry.  
  
Just come back.  
  
I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you  
  
Maybe I don't say it often enough, but I do love you. Maybe I've taken you for granted. I'm just so used to being there, and it was wonderful. It was perfect. It was life. But now that you've been gone for a couple days, everything just seems so empty. I walked through the house, looking at all the pictures of the two of us together. We've always been happy. Why should one little argument ruin all that?  
  
Okay, maybe it wasn't a little argument, you were well and truly pissed off. But I can't help wonder why it's really such a big deal. Don't you like feeling safe? Can't you just take me for what I am, a fool who's in love with you and would do anything to keep you from harm?  
  
I'm not helping, am I?  
  
Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties  
  
And one day passed away in his sleep  
  
And his wife; she stayed for a couple of days  
  
And passed away  
  
I'm sorry, I know that's a strange way to tell you that I know we belong  
  
That I know  
  
That I am; I am, I am  
  
The luckiest  
  
Our neighbor passed away the same day you left. He was old, he lived a good, long life. The paramedics told me he died in his sleep, very peacefully. Then today, his wife passed away too. I guess she just couldn't bear to live without him. I talked to her yesterday, and she told me the same thing Wufei did. She said that I should find you and apologize and pray that you wouldn't stay mad at me. She didn't necessarily think I was wrong, but she thought that maybe I should have told you a long time ago.  
  
She told me that she had been in almost the same situation with her husband, that he sheltered her too much, and that she never got to experience the world for what it was. She knew it was dangerous out there, but she wanted to see for herself. She argued with her husband, then set out on her own, to see the world for herself. Her husband eventually apologized to her, and she forgave him. Of course, they still argued about things, but they loved each other so much that when he died, she couldn't live in a world without him in it.  
  
Anyway, I thought you'd like to know. You knew both of them better than I did. But she was right.  
  
I'm sorry, Quatre. I'm the luckiest man in the universe to have met you, to have you as such a big part of my life. All these years, I've been holding you back, keeping you from seeing the world with your own eyes. I'm sorry.  
  
All my love,  
  
Duo  
  
~owari~ 


End file.
